


Searching For Purpose

by RiverSkye



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Coming of Age, Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Longing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Post Moominvalley in November, Slow Burn, missing person, time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26987659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverSkye/pseuds/RiverSkye
Summary: After traveling across the sea for almost three years, Moomintroll was thrilled to get back home to his loved ones.Upon arrival the view of Moominhouse warmed his heart, he smiled, his excitement growing stronger and stronger.'They surely missed me and will be deeply impressed by my matured self', he thought self-confidently.But reality quickly caught up to him, as his oh-so-expected return did not meet his expectations. After all, time didn't stand still, not even in Moominvalley.Moomintroll is now faced with the task of compensating this disappointment and the ensuing feeling of emptiness.
Relationships: Muminmamman | Moominmamma/Muminpappan | Moominpappa, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snorkfröken | The Snork Maiden, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mymlans dotter | The Mymble’s Daughter/Too-ticki | Too-Ticky
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	1. Prologue - Return of the family

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. :)  
> I'm new to this. As in not writing itself but publishing it to an actual audience. Normally I just write for myself to cope with stress and anxiety. Also, 
> 
> English is not my first language!, 
> 
> so I apologize in advance for the many mistakes. Not used to writing in English... But since I'll be staying in England in 2021 (hopefully, I keep my fingers crossed, 'course 2020 was cursed...) as an exchanged student for half a year, I wanted to give it a shot. Feel free to correct me, when you find something! It would really help me improve. :)

The late November breeze blew over the wide sea, sending cold air over its surface. The light wind was caught in the sails of the small but packed boat, filled with furniture and boxes, their belongings. It barely held room for passengers, but they managed. They always did in a way.

Looking upon the sea Moominpapa saw nothing but eternal blue reaching the horizon. They’ve been lucky, the sky was clear, no signs of a weather change. They certainly wouldn’t get caught in a storm. His gaze shift to the sails of the little boat, borrowed from the lighthousekeeper. It wasn't a particularly strong wind but it was firm enough to fulfil its purpose. Perfect weather indeed for a sailing trip full of adventure.

He sighed.

He loved adventures; he always did. It was the reason why he traveled so much when he was younger, seeing the big world with his very own eyes. Not knowing what the next day would bring, just experiencing life by embracing it, without a plan and care in the world. Meeting new people, befriending them and creating memories. Memories he held so dear to his heart that he had to write them down, capture them, saved for the next generations to come. Because it would be a shame if these memories fell into oblivion. And life itself without adventure seemed too dull to him.

"Something on your mind, dear?"

He tore his gaze from the sails, looking down until he met his wife’s concerned eyes. His paw reached his hat which had been pushed back by the wind, fixing its position. "Just checking the wind. No worries, dear. Everything’s looking fine as it should!" He gave her a smile.

She smiled back at him, still wearing the concern in her eyes. He turned around, looking back at the sea, avoiding eye contact. _She knew._

“That’s good to hear. I’m really glad, but...”, she reached for his shoulder, resting her paw on it. His eyes met once again her knowing ones.  
“We haven’t really talk about this. Is this really what _you_ want?”

_She knew. Of course. How did she always know?_

“It’s just that... I know how much you loved that idea of living in a lighthouse. You were _so_ excited,” she smiled fondly at the memory of his enthusiasm, “Seeing how much you put your heart into all of it... It was endearing. And you know there was no need to convince me, as I would’ve followed you wherever you go.”

They shared a smile. Then suddenly she lowered her head, looking away, her paw leaving his shoulder.

“But I should’ve been more honest with you about my concerns. I thought I was being selfish if I would’ve told you right at the start. I wanted to give it a try, I really did. But it turned out that the most selfish thing was to conceal my worries and pain inside of me. Because I was afraid of disappointing you...”

  
A silence fell between them. Moominpapa opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by his wife, who spoke again with a determined look on her face.

“I love our home,” she smiled brightly at him, “and I love living in Moominvalley. There is nothing that gives me greater joy as to spend my life with you and our family in this house of ours. Leaving it behind felt like leaving a part of me. And that is what I should’ve told you. I’m sorry, dear.”

  
A tightness began to rise in his chest. Hearing her apology felt wrong and her tearful appearance send him to a guilt trip. Why was she apologizing? It’s not that he didn't know any of this, because he did. He saw it every time he looked at her, the pain and her longing for their home. He saw it when he looked at her during housework in the lighthouse when she thought no one would notice. He saw it even earlier when they took their departure from Moominvalley. He even saw it right at the beginning when he told her about the plan itself. But he chose to ignore it. He thought, he knew better, that's what he was known for.

But he clearly didn't.

He'd always describe himself as someone who was proud of what he has accomplished. Years of adventures and an independent lifestyle gave him the confidence he's been known for. He was Moominpapa after all. And everyone seemed to admire him for his way of life and his words of wisdom.

But right now, in this very moment, he didn't feel wise at all. And as overly confident he'd describe himself to be, admitting to failure was a task that seemed too hard to face, something he was usually not confronted with. With a deep breath he tried to swallow his pride. It wasn't often that he led his guard down, but looking at her, it was a necessity to do.

_For her._

“Please, don't be sorry”, he took both of her paws in his. “You, of all people, shouldn't be sorry. You only followed my plan, because you trusted me. And I did take advantage of that. I saw your struggle but pretended I didn't. It made it easier to follow through with it. If someone was acting selfish, then this someone was me. I'm really just an adventure seeking fool.”

She squeezed his paws, lightly shaking her head. “You only went after a dream of yours. Even if you noticed my discomfort with the idea of leaving Moominhouse, it should've been me to address the issue. I can't expect you to read my mind after all.”  
She gave him a genuine smile. He felt like she forgave him too quickly. _She always did._

“Oh, and also…”, she continued while looking at the sea in front of them. “Your need and enthusiasm for adventure have always been part of you. Without these traits we would never have met all those years ago. So, don't apologies for being you. Because I happen to love this adventure seeking fool.”

The tightness in his chest slowly dissolved at her comforting and sincere words. There were moments like these where he felt a grand gratitude for having her by his side. He let out a small laugh which she quickly joined. It was always easy with her, because she understood.

After their laughing stopped, they stayed quiet, no words were spoken, only the light breeze of the scenery filling the silence.

“To answer your question,” he spoke after a few minutes, she looked questionably at him. “If I want this. Returning home, that is. Well, yes. I missed our home too. Also, I realize now, I don't need a lonely island, a rusty lighthouse or dangerous boat trips to feel the thrill of life,” he placed his paw at one side of her snout. “’because living by your side is an adventure itself, my dear. I wou-”

“ **BLEGHHH** , by the Groke, please stop! I'm seriously considering drowning myself by this point!”

  
A little startled by Little My's outburst they turned to her. Their emotional talk had them both so consumed that they completely forget about her presence.

“Can't you wait with the musky talking when we are at home? Where I'm able to run away from it?”, she hopped down from a box and leaned against the railing, annoyance dominating her face.

Moominpapa unnecessary cleared his throat while Moominmama chuckled over Little My's antics.  
He stood confidently at the bow of their boat.

“If the wind keeps up like this, we could reach Moominvalley early this afternoon. Now doesn't that sound exciting?”

Little My rolled her eyes. “Yeah right. Nothing more exciting than to arrive finally at the place we already spend most of our lives at…” She looked bored into the sea.

“Well, that might be true.”, said Moominmama. “But that makes it even more important, don't you think? Just because we already created nice memories there doesn't mean it'll prevent us from creating more.”

“Well spoken, dear.”, agreed Moominpapa.

“Yeah, well spoken.”, Little My sarcastically cut in. “Pretty late insight I would call it. Would've saved us a lot of trouble if you came to this conclusion a little earlier.”

He sighed. “Maybe so.” He resumed looking at the wide blue in front of him.

Moominmama shook her head gently and chimed in, “I'll have to disagree. It's never too late to discover what's important in life. That's the whole point of life itself. To find purpose. And sometimes we must face the reality of what is important to us by missing it.”

Little My yawned at that. “That sounds… really stupid.”

“Well, yes. We all tend to be stupid sometimes. But it helps to take nothing for granted.”, Moominmama said thoughtfully.

Moominpapa looked back at the two and grinned. “Well, there you have it. A valuable life lesson then. For all of us.”

  
And as much he loved adventures, their destination in mind held so much more value to them then any other place in this world.

* * *

Quiet hours on calm water went by and afternoon came. Moominpapa had his eyes fixed on the sight in front of him, eagerly waiting for the familiar shore. The one he already approached a hundred times in life. And although he knew it all too well, he had an excitement in him he didn't quiet understand himself.

Moominmama sat patiently on one of her kitchen stools and knitted a scarf she's been working on since arriving at the lighthouse, determined to finish it, while Little My looked bored into the nothingness of the sea.

“Urgh, this is so boring. How'bout a show of your oh so amazing sailor skills you've been proclaiming the last weeks? I ain't seen nothing of it.”

Moominpapa gave her a short glare, cleared his throat and resumed to look at the sea while doing grand gestures with his arms.

“That's the adventure of the sea, Little My. We sailors may plan our trip carefully and put our full knowledge and body strength in it, but the sea will determine the fate of the trip at last. Nothing we could do to change that.”

My rolled her eyes. “Aye, aye, pseud captain. I've had enough of your great speeches for a life time. With that much hot air we should've flown with an air balloon by this point...”

Moominmama snickered quietly while Moominpapa gave Little My an unimpressed look. He turned towards her and handed her his binoculars.

“Here, instead of making your whitty comments you'll be put on lookout duty by your so called pseud captain.”

She took the binoculars reluctantly.

“Urgh, fine. Oh boy, I wonder what I'll see?” She took a short glance into it and fake-gasped.

“Oh by the Groke, can you believe it? Water! How very unexpecting, it's amazing. And, oh, what's that? No, it can't be? More water! I'm stunned! You were right, the sea holds mysteries for us unknown. Un-be-lievable.” She gave him a sly grin and handed the binoculars back. “Thanks for the insight. But I rather _do_ nothing than _look_ at nothing.”

She yawned and put her hands behind her head, leaning against the railing. Moominpapa sighed, looking at her. He then focused on the object in his paw. He looked through it himself, earning the same image Little My already expressed to them.

Well, water was nice and all. But surely they should be there by now? Or did he got off the route?

Just as he was considering checking the course with his compass again (for the 55th time) he could see the faint beginning of the display of shore he longed to see. Finally!

“A-HA! I told you, my sailing guts have always been right!”

Moominmama's and Little My's head shoot up at that and they, too, focused on the sight in front of them.

“Were they? I can't see anything.”, Little My reached eagerly for the binoculars, “Hey, old man. Lookout duty, remember? Let me see, come on!”

Moominpapa's grip tightend on the binoculars, unfazed by her attempts to reach it. A proud smile reached his face as he observed the scenery.  
“Oh my, I can't believe it. Our arrival has already made word through our lovely valley. How nice to be expected by others! They surely missed us greatly it seems.”

At that Moominmama and Little My exchanged a confused glance. Little My shook her head in disbelieve.  
“As iiiiif. How should they know about that? And in winter of all things? They're all asleep, snoring their heads off. Now let me see, let me see!”, she jumped up and down, trying to climb up on him.

He ignored her antics, “I'm just telling you how it is. Ah, what a nice surprise. And how kind of them. Surely they wanna know what exciting adventures we've been up to!”

Little My rolled her eyes. “Pff, yeah. Real exciting stuff, I'm sure they wanna hear all about it...”

“Say, dear, who is waiting for us? Can you tell yet?”

Moominpapa resumed looking through the binoculars, looking unsure of himself.

“Ehhh, I don't know. Never seen them.”

The other two looked confused at each other.

“You don't know them? Then why should they wait for us?”

He scratched his head. “Well, surely they heard of us and travelled here to meet us. The brave Moomin family!”, he said dramatically while throwing the binoculars to the side. “Anyway, make sure to make a good impression! And give them the warmest greeting you can summon!”

Little My took hold of the binoculars. “Yeah sure, I'll give them something when they try to do funny business.” She looked through them, trying to identify said person. “Eh, never mind, that's no threat. Who is that? Looks like a lost child to me. Nothing to be excited abou-”, she stopped talking while looking harder at the scenery, shifting her gaze a little further back. Then a deep chuckle started to creep up her chest.

Moominmama glanced at her. “Seen something funny?”

“Well, you could say that.”, she stopped her giggling and grinned at her. “I personally think it is very funny.” She handed her the binoculars.

Moominmama didn't take long to find what My meant. She smiled while spotting the all too familiar person with the green hat standing there, a little further from the unknown child. But then she frowned. Shouldn't he be already of to his yearly trip?

“Oh dear. How very unusual indeed.”

Little My rubbed her hands together. “Well, now that's going to be interesting.”

* * *

After a few minutes they could see the shore clearly themselves, their boathouse coming nearer and nearer. The unknown child stood timidly on the landing stage, waiting patiently.

Moominpapa waved at them. “Hello my child! How nice of you to welcome us back at our beloved home. Could you help us docking our boat?”

The child smiled shyly and nodded.

After their boat docked, Moominpapa jumped eagerly out of it and secured the rope at a post. He turned around, glancing at the kid in front of him. “Thank you for your kind help. I'm pretty sure we haven't met before, Is that right? Let me introduce myself. I'm the grand Moom-”

“You're Moominpapa. Head of the kindest family in the whole valley. I know you.”, the child exclaimed suddenly.

Moominpapa's smile grew at that. “Oh? So you knew us already?”, he couldn't help but to throw a sly, satisfied grin over his shoulder at Little My, who huffed in annoyance.

The child's eyes lit up, throwing their hand in the sky. “Well, of course I know you! There are so many stories about the Moomins! I waited for so long to meet you and came all this way over to Moominvalley to see for myself if the stories are true. But... you weren't here, I almost started believing you're not real, that the story of the nicest family were nothing but a tale. But! Now you are here and it's so nice to finally meet you and...uhm...” They stopped abruptly, realizing they've been babbling, embarrassment slowly creeping up on them and turning their cheeks red.

Moominpapa's chest filled with pride. “Ah-Ha! I could clearly see from afar, you are a very cultured young kid. You came to the right place. You see, my family and I just arrived from another great adventure, grasping the thrill of life, fancing the unknown and dangerous th-”

“Argh, could you stop it? We're barely there and you're already scaring strangers off with your exaggerated stories. Give us all a break, will you?” Little My grabbed an apple out of their provision basket and jumped out of the boat. “I'm going ahead. Feel free to empty the boat without me.”

While walking she passed Snufkin who hadn't moved since the docking, quietly watching them with a slight confused look on his face. She bumped her shoulder into one of his legs. “Hello and goodbye. Nothing here for you I fear." She spun her heels and looked directly at him with a mischievous look on her face. "Well, except the bitter experience of waiting for someone who won't show up. Must be new to you, huh? See ya in spring, bro.” She winked at him and took off to Moominhouse.

Snufkin looked after her, deep in thoughts. Moominpapa was unfazed and turned his attention to his young audience, Toffle, telling them about the (not really) exciting journey back to their home.

  
“Our Little My is a handful today... But when isn't she?”, a warm voice spoke. Snufkin felt a paw on his shoulder. He turned towards it, greeted by Moominmama's kind smile.

“Hello, dear.”, she said.

He tipped his hat. “Moominmama.”

She stayed silent for a few seconds, examine him. The paw on his shoulder remained. “What a pleasant surprise to find you here. We assumed you'd be already off to your trip to south like usual. Has something happend?”

Something in her warm gaze made him look down, avoiding eye contact, the brim of his hat covering his whole face.

“Oh, no, I was just passing through. When I heard Toffle yelling that you were coming back, I came here. To greet you.”, he told the ground.

“Ah, I see. Thank you, that's very thoughtful of you.” She squeezed his shoulder in a reassuring manner.

Silence fell again between them, making Snufkin slowly raise his head. _The_ question in his head became louder and louder but he didn't dare to speak it out loud, suddenly feeling nervous. She gave him a questioning look.

“Where is Moomintroll?”

"Oh! Well...", her paw left his shoulder while she turned around looking into the sea, becoming thoughtful.

"I don't think living in a lighthouse was right for him. Well, not right for all of us, it seems.", she smiled lightly while looking at the boat packed with their furniture. "But he is young and has time, so he should make the most of it. And what a mother I would be if I didn't let him follow his dreams." She nodded her head as if to convince herself.

While she was grateful that her son was able to make his own experiences, she tried to cover up that letting him go was not an easy task for her. There was nothing she'd have wanted more than to take all of them back to their beloved home. But she knew he always longed for his very own adventure. And how could she deny him that?

"Well, anyway...", she shook her head to get rid of the swept of sadness creeping up on her. "We gave him 'The Adventure' for his little sailing trip. He'll most likely skip our hibernation and will be back again in spring, telling us all about his exciting discoveries he'll surely made until then." She turned around and gave Snufkin a reassuring smile.

"Little sailing trip? Pah!", Moominpappa stepped up in front of them, Toffle right behind him. "My dear, I doubt we'll see the boy anytime soon. After all he has his father's thrill for adventure! He'll be gone for a longer time. IF he decides to come back that is." 

Momminmama glanced disapprovingly at her husband. "Dear, that's quiet the assumption to make! It's the first time he's on a trip on his own. Of course that's really exciting but our Moomintroll knows where his heart lays. He'll come back for us, I'm sure of it."

Moominpapa shrugged and put a paw on her shoulder. "Listen, dear, I'm not to fond of the idea myself. But he's his own person and we should accept all his decisions. And we have to come in terms with the possibility that he might not, in fact, come back." 

They shared a look, Moominmama sighed but said nothing. He knew it was hard on her, although she tried not to show it. After a short silence he remembered his little companion who was listening quietly behind him.

"Ah, well, now let us get back to Moominhouse, shall we? The weather isn't pleasant enough for a chitchat on the beach." He adjusted his hat and walked ahead. Little Toffle first watched him go, unsure if they should follow, their gaze searching Snufkin's. Moominpapa stopped in his tracks and called over his shoulder. "Now come on. I've got a lot more stories to tell you! Like about the lighthousekeeper, really odd fellow. We weren't quite sure if we could-", he continued talking while walking.

With a last look at Snufkin whose expression couldn't be read thanks to shadow of his hat, Toffle spun around and followed Moominpapa, leaving Moominmama and Snufkin alone.

A cold gush of wind swiped between them, winter was making his presence known, "Well, Papa has the tendency to exaggerate but he's right about the cold.", Moominmama said while she shivered lightly. "Nothing a nice cup of tea won't fix. What do you say, Snufkin?" 

She turned and looked expectantly at him, offering a kind smile. But she was met with silence.

"Snufkin? Did you hear m-"

"No."

She blinked surprised at him. "Are you sure, dear? I think it'd be better to warm up before leav-"

He cut in. "I said no."

Moominmama blinked slowly. "Oh. Alright."

Snufkin cringed at his harshness, surprised with himself. "No, I mean, thank you, but no. I'll be on my way now."

He fumbled unnecessarily with the straps of his backpack, still avoiding looking at her.

She hummed and nodded. "I see. Take care of yourself then. We'll be seeing you in spring I presume?"

He turned to the forest, raising his face to the sky as he felt the coldness slowly numbing his skin. _Spring..._

There were millions of thoughts running through his head right now, a state of mind he'd normally avoided at all cost. A feeling of uneasiness was boiling in him. Confusion.

He'd normally not address the issue of what was bothering him, not even to himself. A clear mind shouldn't deal with things that frustrated him, so he'd always tried to push troubled thoughts away, preferring to play his harmonica or simply moving onto a task more enjoyable. 

But right now he was desperately aware of the issue. Just a few minutes ago he was so thrilled to have the Moomins back, but the realization that _he_ wasn't here disappointed him greatly. So much, that it terrified him. _Moomintroll..._

But the possibility that he might not come back didn't even occur to him. That was out of the question! It was Moomintroll, the one constant part in his life. He'd be back, surely! He had to! And when he did, things will be back to normal like he was used to them and how he preferred them to be.

Yes, most certainly. And when they were reunited all those troubled thoughts would perish.

"Yes. Like always."


	2. Greener Grass

_Three years later_

With a firm tug Moomintroll secured the rope now held by the landing post. A last, long glance at the boat that had kept him company the last three years. He smiled to himself, yes, 'The Adventure' was doing a fine job holding up to her name.

_But all good things must come to an end._

He clasped his hands together, turning around while his eyes travelled the familiar shore. It looked just like he remembered it. Three years didn't seem to matter to a place timeless like Moominvalley, he figured. It was a reassuring feeling to know that there was a place he always could come back to.

Not that he thought about it much while travelling. The past time seemed to run so quickly, leaving very little space for feeling nostalgic.

Although, as much as he hated to admit it, the last couple of months were _a little_ draining. There was only so much to do on a sailing trip. With no real destination in mind, he'd soon felt at a lost of what to do. Of course there'd been unexpected encounters with fellow sailors, which were exciting. And he'd entered places, landscapes and cities that he would've never dreamed of. The few people he'd met were mostly nice but also very foreign. Other cultures and languages 'd sometimes made it difficult to connect with them. But that hadn't made it any less interesting. The world now certainly felt bigger to him.

Which is why he felt conflicted about returning home. It had seemed so wasteful to turn back around and be back at the familiar valley when he could be out there on the sea, searching for horizons yet unknown to him.

 _Oh here I go, listen to me being dramatic, I'm almost sounding like Pappa!_ He chuckled quietly to himself, shaking his head.

 _No, now is not the time to be maudlin!_ He would have plenty of time doing so when he'd reach Moominhouse.

The warm August wind blew through his summer coat, the sun shined mercilessly down on him. But as hot as she was, she already headed west, which indicated that the day drew to a close.

He quickly grabbed his backpack, swung it over his shoulder and began walking the familiar route home. He'd get the rest of his luggage later. After all, he had to hurry if he'd still want to spend his birthday with his loved ones today!

Walking the path from the beach through the woods felt, despite the blazing sun, easy and almost natural. He remembered how hard days like these were to his old self. Being blessed with a thick, fluffy coat had its downside after all. It didn't help that the old Moomintroll hadn't been used to physical exertion to begin with. Of course there'd been a few adventures and lightly activities but certainly not to an extent that you'd have called him 'fit'.

He smiled proudly and realized that the three years of sailing were most definitely not in vain. His stamina had increased, muscles had been gained and his height could now rival Moominpappa's.

In the far distance he saw the familiar blue house with the red roof. His excitement grew stronger and stronger. He pondered how they would react to his new self. Three years were a long time, he knew that. He hadn't planned to be gone for that long. It 'd been something that just sort of happened. But he had kept his family informed, writing short letters to let them know that he had been fine and healthy.

Back on his trip, especially on occasional lonely nights he'd missed them the most. Surely it'd helped to write them but with no receiving letters he'd always wondered how his family and friends were doing.

But knowing the safety of Moominvalley he'd figured that they had to be fine.

Still, it was exciting to return! Also, with no announcement of his arrival, it was going to be a big surprise for them! He could already picture the tearful but happy expression on his mother's face and being engulfed in a warm hug shortly after. His father would comment proudly on his matured apprentice, Little My would most likely throw a insult or two at him while hiding the fact that she'd had actually secretly missed him. And there were his friends...

While he'd missed his family a great deal, he couldn't help but be most interested in his friends' reactions.

What would they say? They'd surely want to know every little detail of his journey. And he had so much to tell! He wasn't going to leave a detail untouched, if asked. It would be a delight to see their excited expressions while he dropped his favourite stories of his journey.

But most enjoyable for him would be the fact to be the one actually telling the story, the one to who it had happened, instead of just listening to others telling theirs. He pictured then his attentive audience in his head: Snorkmaiden's starstruck expression, Sniff's inquire on valuable treasures he found and, of course, Snufkin's focus on him, listening idly to him and only him, while wearing a proud smile...

His train of thoughts came to a stop, once again he shook his head lightly. _Get yourself together, Moomintroll!_

Being completely lost in his daydream and not looking where he was going, he crashed into a beach wagon standing on the path.

He fell backwards on his butt, cursing.

“What the..?”

Rubbing his sore knee from bumping into the wagon he looked over its content. Various types of vegetables, fruits, fresh fish and breads were inside, the owner of the wagon nowhere in sight.

Right on cue, his stomach rumbled. He sighed.

“Should've eaten something before walking home.”

Once again he glazed around him, searching for any observer. Then his eyes landed back to the food. There was so much food that it'd be enough to feed an entire army.

“Well, one slice of bread missing won't do any harm, I guess?” He muttered to himself and grabbed one.

He took a bite, feeling a little thrilling doing so.

In the past years food had not always come natural to him. There'd been fishing, yes, a lot of that. But eating fish everyday had been as satisfying as it'd sounded like. So, at land, taking a little bit of what had not belong to him hadn't been an actuality he was completely unused to.

“Hey, hey, hey, HEY! What do you think you're doing, you filthy bread thief?!”

The bite of the bread got stuck in Moomintroll's throat. He coughed and looked up to the owner of the voice, although already recognizing it.

“Sniff?” He said while swallowing the bite uncomfortable.

Sniff ran to him, almost tripping doing so. He grabbed the beach wagons handles, shoving it out of Moomintroll's reach, standing defensibly in front of it.

“Unbelievable! I leave sight of the food for three seconds and just like that the first bum comes and thinks it's a free all-you-can-eat buffet!”

_Bum?_

Moomintroll blinked slowly, then looked at the piece of bread still in his paw.

“Oh, sorry. I didn't know it was yours.”

Sniff snapped the bread out off his paw.

“A 'sorry' won't pay me.”

Silence fell between them. Sniff examined the slice of bread with the big bite-mark, shrugged and threw it back in the wagon.

With furrowed brows Moomintroll watched him, confusion making its way.

_Not the 'welcome back' I was expecting..._

“So... Where are you taking it?”, he asked for the lack of another topic.

“Hmm, what?”

“The food. Were are you taking it?”

“Oh, that. This is Mrs. Fillyjonk's regular order.”

While the whole encounter with Sniff seemed surreal, this still managed to confuse Moomintroll even more.

“Mrs. Fillyjonk's? And that much food? Is she planing a fest or something?”

A short laugh. “What, no. This is one out of her four delivery weekly.”

Moomintroll eyes widen. “Weekly? Out of four?”

“Well, yes. They eat a lot, so I heard. Anyway, I must be on my way now, you've already taken enough time from me.”

With a lot of strength, he began pushing the wagon in the direction of Mrs. Fillyjonk's house, walking past Moomintroll.

He looked after Sniff, perplex by the meeting and his friend's strange behaviour. He called after him.

“Your not heading to Moominhouse by chance? I mean, _after_ your delivery..?”

Stopping his wagon, Sniff turned around. “Why?”

“Well,” Moomintroll rubbed his neck. _Why is this so awkward?_ “I'm heading back to Mamma and Pappa, and I was looking forward to meet all of you guys there. It has been a while after all...”

He looked expectantly at Sniff, who just stared blankly back at him.

Then, out of nowhere, he cracked a little smile.

“So it really is you, Moomintroll? I wasn't sure, I mean you look like you haven't bathed in months. Not the shiny fur I'm used to.”

The statement threw Moomintroll a little of guard. He cleared his throat.

“Ah, well, like I said, it's been awhile.”

Sniff turned around again to his wagon and started pushing it in the opposite way to Moominhouse.

“So it has. Bye now!”

With a confused look he watched Sniff leave.

“Bye?”

  
  


_Well._

  
  


_That was strange._

  
  


He would've lied if he'd said that this was how he pictured his first encounter with his third best friend after almost three years. Not that he'd thought about it much...

He shook his head, continuing his way home.

Sniff had almost been an odd fellow, he figured. Plus, if money was involved, he'd forget everything else around himself, that was just the kind of creature he was.

Moving along the Moominvalley forest, he got lost in his musing again. The path, although not having walked it for years, still so known to him. It was weird, he thought, how many memories came rushing towards him while just merely being here again. He smiled to himself, yes, it felt good to be here, the nostalgia of it warmed his heart.

The thickness of the forest decreased and the all too familiar red roof he craved to see lurked through the trees.

 _Finally_.

After having the full sight of his home in front of him he came to a halt, looking pensively at the house.

He took a big breath and closed his eyes. His heartbeat quickened and he tried to concentrate to the birds song in the air. It was pretty quiet for a summer afternoon but was still beautiful nonetheless.

But... Something felt off. He couldn't put a finger on it though.

A loud rumble filled the air and his paws landed on his stomach. Right on cue, he smiled to himself. Mamma surely had something delicious prepared. Oh, how he had missed his mother's food!

His eyes opened and his walk picked up, by the time he crossed the bridge he was almost running, the sight of the familiar veranda coming nearer and nearer.

His paw landed on the front door, a little laugh escaped out of him.

Oh, to be finally be back home! He enclosed his grip on the handle and ,with one last big breath, he pushed the door open!

…But it was locked.

He blinked slowly, looking in disbelieve at the handle in his paw. It.. couldn't be looked, could it? Surely he just forgot how to open doors correctly, he figured. Not that many doors on the open sea to practise this skill after all.

He tried again, but the door stayed shut.

He scratched his head. Now, that was unusual, he didn't know that his parents even had a key for the front door. Or _any_ door at all.

After a minute of silently staring at the door just inches from his snout he felt himself getting cross-eyed. He sighed and, for the first time in his life, he knocked at the front door of his own home.

Again a minute passed without a sound being heard. He sidestepped to the window, seeing the familiar kitchen, but no familiar face. Also, to his stomachs demise, no food on the kitchen stove, like it'd used to be in the past.

Then he heard quiet steps inside the house followed by the sound of unlocking the door and he returned back to it, a quick sigh of relief escaping his lips. He closed his eyes again, preparing mentally for the surprise of his parents and the warm hug that quickly would follow. The door slowly opened and Moomintroll held his breath, waiting for their sounds of shocks.

But again, no sound was heard.

Slightly confused he opened his eyes and he saw the, in fact, open door but no face to hold onto. Then he heard a tiny, quiet gasp and his eyes travelled down to meet unknown, timid, green ones.

There in front of him stood a little child who he'd never seen before. They had shaggy, brown hair, wore a black rope and the look on their face suggested that they were just as confused as Moomintroll felt.

After a few seconds of bluntly staring at each other Moomintroll cleared his throat and decided to break the silence.

“Ehm, hello. Not to be frank, but who are you and what are you doing in my home?”

The child's eyes widened and they opened their mouth, but no words seemed to come out. Instead of talking they just kept on staring at him.

Under their gaze Moomintroll's confusion grew. Was there something wrong with him or why did people react so strange towards him today?

The silence continued until he heard the familiar cracks of the stairs being walked down.

“Alright, Toffle, It was challenging but I think I found the perfect metaphor for the hopelessness of he current situation in my memoir! Listen, it starts with-” Moominpappa stopped abruptly in the hallway and stared at Moomintroll as well.

The sight of his father let him forget the momentary strangeness, a smile softening his face.

“Hello Pappa.” He walked through the door passing the unknown child and grinned at his father. “I hope I didn't interrupt one of your intense writing sessions?”

Moominpappa blinked slowly at his son, mustering him from head to to toe, realisation finally kicking in.

“Moomintroll...”, he said under his breath. “Oh my. What an interruption indeed. I normally would be cross with anyone interrupting my creativity but”, he also cracks a smile while walking towards Moomintroll, putting a paw on his shoulder. “I think I let this time slide.”

The paw squeezed him in a reassuring manner. They shared a smile. “Now look at you. So tall and grown up. I must admit, took me a second to recognize you.”

Moomintroll's smile grew bigger. “Surely you wouldn't forget your own son? Age must've made your head soft.”  
  
Moominpappa let out a short laugh. “ And made you quiet cheeky!” His paw left his son's shoulder but the smile remained. “But admittedly, it's been a long time. And forgive my astonishment, but I did not expect you to return.”

Moomintroll chuckled and shrugged. “Well, I didn't want to announce it by letter, I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Ah, of course, consider me surprised then. But I meant, I did not expect you to return _at all_.”

The smile of Moomintroll dropped. “What do you mean?”

His paw reached under his hat, scratching his head and looking away in thought. “It's just that... You've been gone that long so we figured...” He met his son's eyes again, confusion reflecting back at him.

“You know what? It doesn't matter. You're here and that's wonderful.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, what a surprise indeed. What a nice way to end the day.”

“I'm glad you think so! I really rushed myself to make it in time for today, I mean, it _is_ kind of a special day.”

“Well yes, special day, of course.” Moominpappa said slightly confused, clearly not knowing what his son was hinting at. “Any day your son returns after years of travelling ought to be special, I guess?” He led the three of them to the living room.

_Oh.... He forgot my birthday._

_..._

_But that's okay!_ Moomintroll thought. They surely didn't expect his arrival today and their minds must've been filled with more important matters. He hadn't expected them to greet him with birthday wishes or even gifts...

 _Wait_.

_Gifts!_

“Pappa, I, uh, got something for you. From my travels.” He put one arm out of the strap of his backpack, throwing it to the other side of his chest and began rummaging through it.

“Oh? A gift?” Moominpappa looked intrigued.

“Ah, yes, sort of. I know about your love for a good drink...” He then found the bottle and handed it to his father. “This one is a very special kind of whiskey. It's almost 50 years old, rich and rare taste, they said, whatever that means.”

He father turned the bottle, a smile on his face. “How very nice to think of me, my son. Thank you, I won't put it to waste.” He laughed.

  
“Well, actually, the interesting part of it is not the whiskey itself but how I got it!” Moomintroll sat down on the couch, eager to share the tale. Story-time! That was what he'd been waiting for.

“It's quiet the story! You won't believe what happened! You see, I was at a shore at the west side of Ireland-”

“Ah, uhm, yes, very nice son.” Moominpappa interrupted him, his glance directed to the window in front of them, clearly distracted by whatever there was. Moomintroll followed his eyes and saw the police inspector standing on their porch. Pappa placed the whiskey down on the table.

“Please excuse me, my boy, I just have to talk to the inspector real quick. Then we can talk about the brandy-”

“Whiskey.”

“Uh, right, about the whiskey, all you want!” Without waiting for an answer he quickly left the house, greeting the inspector.

“Uhm, okay?” Moomintroll said, although his father was already out of earshot. He sighed dejectedly and observed the conversation outside.

He couldn't hear much but it seemed that it was nothing of importance. Which further raised the question, what could be so urgent to talk about? Especially now, when he had just arrived..?

 _It's fine,_ he then thought. _There'd be enough time to spill all the stories I've prepared._

His train of thoughts were interrupted when he noticed the big green eyes of the unknown kid continuously staring at him.

_Oh my, how rude of me, I completely blocked them out._

“So...” He paused, searching for a topic to talk about.

The child's eyes widened, seemingly surprised to be acknowledged.

“Your name is Toffle, did I catch that right?”

No words, just a small nod.

“Ah. Alright. Well, I'm Moomintroll, but I think you've already guessed that.”

Again, silence.

_Not much of a talker, huh?_

“And you, uh, live here?”, he asked eloquently.

Toffle gave a nod to that as well, still staring at Moomintroll with an intensity that made him feel even more uncomfortable. If it wasn't far fetched, Moomintroll would've thought their eyes held a hint of accusation in them.

_Why are they looking at me like that?_

But since his interlocutor turned out to be the quiet type, Moomintroll ran out of conversation topics and decided to continue looking out of the window, wishing his father would make a quick return.

He tried to feel not too disappointed by lack of enthusiasm he'd encountered until now. Surely there was going to be an explanation, why everything seemed so... out of place.

“...Why were you gone for so long?”

Surprised, Moomintroll's head turned to Toffle. _They talked!_

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I said”, the stare from earlier came back, growing even more intense, their brows furrowed, anger clearly visible. “Why were you gone for so long?”

“Huh?” He was completely thrown of guard by that outburst.

Toffle stood up from the couch, fist tightly clenched to their sides, piercing Moomintroll with their gaze.

“Why did it take you so long to be back?!”

Moomintroll was at a loss of words.

“I just... don't understand. You should've been here”, the child mumbled, finally breaking eye contact, looking sorrowfully on the floor.

Silence fell between them, neither of them looking at the other. Moomintroll blinked slowly and tried to process the situation and the asked question. It was the question he, in secret, feared the most. But he didn't expect it to come from a total stranger.

A moment later anger overtook him. What was this kid thinking, to address him so rudely?

“What's it to you? I don't even know you.”

Toffle looked back at him. “But I know all about you. I heard so much from you. About your kindness, your loyalty and optimism. You care so much about everybody, the most considerate Moomin there is. So, I just don't understand how you could-”

“Hearing from me is not the same as knowing me. Especially when Moominpappa is the storyteller”, Moomintroll snapped back, annoyed to be reduced to his father's exaggerated narratives.

In the corner of his eye he saw that Toffle sat down next to him, their face showed nothing of the previous anger, just sadness.

“Most of it I didn't hear from him. Nor Moominmamma.” They said in a quiet voice.

That made Moomintroll suspicious. Who else would talk about him in such an enthusiastic and loving way?

“You must be mistaken. There is no one else who would say something like that about me.”

That earned him a funny look.

“What?”, Moomintroll asked irritated.

Toffle slightly shook their head and looked to the side. “ _You're_ mistaken. There is.”

Moomintroll let out a short laugh.

“Sure...”

He would've lied if he said he wasn't curious. He thought for a few seconds, until a specific Snork crossed his mind.

“Ah, I see. You know, Snorkmaiden thinks well about me, that's true, but she has, like Pappa, the tendency to exaggerate. She likes fairy-tales, you know?”

Toffle furrowed their eyebrows. “Who's that?”

Moomintroll blinked. “Oh.” Confusion grew again. “You don't know her?”

A shake of the head.

He blinked again. “For how long have you been here?”

It seemed highly unlikely to him that Toffle hadn't already crossed paths with Snorkmaiden, she always was around somewhere in Moominvalley.

“Ehm... For almost three years, I think?”

…

_What? Three years?!_

Moomintroll took his gaze from Toffle, staring into the air.

_That … doesn't make sense. They should've met at this point! That kid must be confused..._

The question from earlier came back in his head. He fixed Toffle with his eyes.

“Then who told you all that stuff about me? If it wasn't my parents or her?”

Toffle looked conflicted, opening their mouth but quickly shutting it again, struggling with an answer.

But before they could answer, the front doors swung back open, Moominpappa stepping in.

“Alright, alright. So, where were we?” He looked at the both of them and sensed the thick air in the room.

“Oh, is something the matter?” His gaze wandered questioningly between the two of them.

Moomintroll cleared his throat, trying to change the topic. “It's nothing. Say Pappa, where is Mamma? Is she not here?”

His father sat down on the couch.  
“Oh, Moominmamma will be back shortly. She is over at Mrs. Fillyjonk's house.” He then chuckled. “Oh, she'll be so delighted to see you, son. She'd been very worried, you know?”

Slight guilt made way to Moomintroll. “Oh. She shouldn't have been. I was fine. That's why I wrote you, to make sure you'd know.”

“I know, I know. But you know how it is.” Moominpappa said while taking a newspaper from the couch table and observing the head line.

_No, I apparently don't._

He then remembered his father's talk with the police inspector. “By the way, what have you been talking about with the inspector? Has something happened?”

Moominpappa froze for a moment, but quickly continued reading like nothing had happened.

“No, no. Nothing to your concern. We just had a friendly chit-chat.”

“Ah, I see.”

Moomintroll didn't buy it.

Silence fell between them. Moominpappa glazed from the newspaper to his son and saw his sobering expression. He put the newspaper aside and cleared his throat loudly, for once reading the atmosphere.

“Now, how about some late afternoon tea? Doesn't that sound good? Or...”,he lifted his present, the bottle, from the table and waved it encouragingly.

“How about some brandy?”

Moomintroll just sighed. What a disappointing return so far, he thought.

* * *

Quickly evening came to Moominvalley. The three of them shared some tea, idly talking. Most of the talking done by Moominpappa. Which was something Moominpappa liked to do. Moomintroll remained mostly silent, but his thoughts were rushing. Although he'd been so excited to share his best stories from his journey, he now found himself feeling too gloomy to actually do so.

To his further disillusion they seemed to be no expressed interest on the part of his father. And also that kid Toffle was as silent as ever.

_That's why you shouldn't have high expectations, Moomintroll._

However, his mood suddenly changed when he heard the front door being opened again, followed by heavy footsteps in the hallway.

_Mamma!_

There might have been some lack of euphoria since his arrival, but his mother would never disappoint him in that matter.

He swiftly stood up from the couch and hurried to his mother. She couldn't see him yet, her sight being blocked by a big box she carried, filled with… clothing? Moomintroll wasn't sure. All that he knew was that the mere appearance of this mother filled his chest with pure delight and appreciation.

In that moment he really, _really_ realized how _horribly_ he'd missed her.

Moominmamma seemed to be struggling with that box of hers. With full paws she couldn't enter the closed kitchen. That's when she noticed the presence of someone standing behind her.

“Ah, Moominpappa. I just came back. Would you be so kind and open the door for me? I've brought some clothes from Mrs. Fillyjonk's place that are in need of a washing.”  
  
Her voice warmed his heart. With a font smile and a pinched chuckle Moomintroll rushed to the door, opening it and stepping to the side so his mother could enter.

“Thank you, dear”, she said, passing him.

_Here we go._

“No problem, Mamma.”

Her steps came abruptly to a halt, her whole body jacked up. The box she'd been holding fell to the ground with a loud _Thump._ All of the clothing articles were sprayed around in the kitchen. Ever so slowly, Moominmamma turned around to meet her son's blue eyes looking right at her, a smile on his face.

They gazed at each other. Her face, Moomintroll noticed, only showed pure shock and utter disbelieve. She didn't say one word.

Growing uneasy at her silent demeanour he decided to break the quiet.

“Hello Mamma. I'm sorry for giving you such a fright.”

It seemed that realisation finally kicked in. She approached her son with slow, careful steps, her face unreadable. Her paw reached forward, finally finding his cheek, holding it so very gently.

“Moomintroll...”

With an encouraging smile, he tilted his head slightly so that she could examine him better.

He then closed his eyes, enjoying the warmness of her paw. Experiencing physical touch had been a rarity the last couple months and even early on his journey he'd found himself yearning for a familiar hug. Especially one from his mother, as her embrace always radiated steadiness and security like no other.

But instead of being pulled in one of those hugs he heard quiet, heart-rendering sobs.

Startled by the sound his eyes immediately opened and the sight of Moominmamma's tear-streaked face nearly made him choke. Sorrowful eyes under heavy eyelids gazed up at him, her focus on him while her thump stroked tenderly his cheek.

“It's really you. Moomintroll...”

He couldn't remember when the last time was where he saw her cry like this. _If_ she'd ever cried like this in front of him. He could feel his heart fall out of his chest, lying heavy one the ground next to the dispersed clothes.

With careful motions he took both of her paws in his.

“Please don't cry, Mamma. It's fine. I'm here.”

He squeezed them gently, trying to convey how sorry he felt for making her feel this way.

With a heavy sigh she closed her eyes and looked at their intertwined paws. She pulled one of hers out of his grip and placed it above.

“Yes. You're here now. And that's all that matters.”

With that and a tiny smile she completely released herself from her son, wiped her tears away and then passed him. Moomintroll watched her as she began to pick up the clothes from the ground. Still feeling ill at ease he joined her in the task.

He picked up one pair of trouser, clearly sized for a child smaller than Toffle and held it in front of him.

_Whose are those?_

With a questioningly look he gazed to his mother, who collected the clothes with swiftness. He would ask later, he figured. The heaviness of his chest persuaded him to say something different, something that had to be said.

“I'm so sorry. I know it's been a while. I never intended to be gone that long.”

He gave her an apologetically glance. Gently taking the trousers out of his paw she looked back to him.

“It's alright. Like you said, you're here now. And for that I'm grateful.”

With that she took the last article of clothing from the ground and placed them back into the box.

“Now”, she wiped her knees and apron from dust and turned to her son. “How about dinner? I'm sure you're hungry.”

Her smile looked familiar but didn't reach her eyes. Something was up, he knew it.

* * *

  
  


The smell of food, Mamma's Penut Stew, filled the whole Moominhouse as they quietly enjoyed the meal.

Between the short-lived conversations he'd every so often caught his mother staring at him. When they'd made eye contact she'd given him a fleeting smile before she'd continued eating, seemingly deep in thoughts.

While it was clear to him, that his mother and father had been glad that he was back, the whole tone of their reunion felt strained. At that point it was almost impossible to _not_ take it personal. Was it really the fact that he'd been gone for too long?

Furthermore Toffle's reaction stuck to his mind. Even the unknown child, who he'd never seen before, made notice of his admittedly long absence. Moreover stated that they'd been disappointed with him. _Him_ , someone they hardly knew.

His father's words also ringed through his head.

“ _To be honest, I did not expect you to return at all.”_

Had he meant it? Sure, three years were extended period of time, he knew that. But Moominhouse would always be his home, no matter how much time passed. Surely his parents saw it the same way.

...Right?

He stared at his stew, barely even touched, the feeling of unwelcomeness numbing his appetite.

But most of his confusion grew at the quietness surrounding him. Moominhouse had always been various of things, but never silent. Whether it'd been friends who had almost lived here (like Sniff), guests who were regular visitors or complete strangers, Moominhouse had _always_ been busy. And even with no guests, there'd been a certain person who'd always provided sufficient conversation topics with her loud, bratty attitude.

Moomintroll's head shot up, realizing who'd also been missing since his arrival.

“Where's Little My?”

The heavy silence was broken by clink of cutlery. He looked to the source of the sound, finding Moominmamma staring blankly at her plate, empty-handed. All though Moomintroll tried to build up eye contact, his mother refused to meet his eyes. The next question already formed on his tongue but a loud throat clearing interrupted him.

“Yes, yes. Little My. You see”, his father coughed and took a sip of his water before continuing. “She's been travelling for a while. Just as you. No need to worry.”

Moomintroll frowned, his eyes again searching his mother's eyes for confirmation. He saw her slowly retrieve her fork and knife with shaky paws, still wearing a pensive expression. She then looked briefly at her son and, again, gave him a closed smile and resumed eating.

It didn't need much consideration to see that the smile wasn't sincere.

Moomintroll decided to pursue. “Oh, travelling? Where to?”

“Hardly matters, does it?” His father suddenly stood up, grabbing his finished plate. “Little My's very independent and can go wherever she pleases. She can take care of herself. She proved this more than anybody. No need to worry.” He repeated while quickly locking eyes with Moominmamma. He then unnecessarily cleared his throat again and went to the kitchen.

With that the conversation was over. In his disbelieve he observed his mother who took great interest in the stitching of the table cloth. The message was clear, no one wanted to talk about it, apparently.

_What is going on?!_

With the growing confusion Moomintroll could feel his head becoming dizzy, a headache surely on its way. That was certainly not what he expected his birthday to be. Maybe with a few hours of sleep in his comfy bed his head would clear and his parents' mood change. After all, he'd given them quiet to think about as well with his unannounced return.

He stood up, the scratching of the chair breaking the silence.

“I think I'm going to rest for a bit. It's been quiet the journey.”

Moominmamma looked back up at him and, with slight hesitation, nodded. “Yes, dear. I understand.”

They looked at each other without saying anything. Feeling awkward, Moomintroll rubbed his neck. “Alright. I'll be in my room then. Good night.” He turned to the stairs.

“Oh! Wait!”

Moominmamma stood too, holding a hand out as to stop him. He furrowed his brows, giving her a questioningly look. ”Yes?”

Moominmamma rubbed her temple and exchanged a glance with Toffle.

“You see, Toffle has been here for a while now and felt very comfortable in your room. So, in other words, it's now, well, _their_ room.”

“...Oh.” Moomintroll stepped back from the stairs.

“But! The guest room is free, I just need to set it up so you can sle-”

“Wait, no! No need!”, a nervous Toffle quickly chimed in, interrupting her. “I, uhm, I can sleep in the guest room!”

Moominmamma gave them a concerned look. While putting her paw on their shoulder she spoke with a low, calming voice. “Are you sure, dear? You've been having awful nightmares without sleeping in your room. Surely Moomintroll understands. Right?” She turned to her son, eyeing him expectantly.

With a heavy breath he slowly nodded, earning a smile from his mother.

“Now, there you have it. Moomintroll doesn't mind.” Lovingly, she ran a paw through the child's messy hair, who seemed a little embarrassed by the gesture. They kept their eyes to the ground, avoiding looking at anybody, especially Moomintroll.

Seeing his mother display such affection for the child made Moomintroll quiet sick to his stomach. His head ache grew and he felt the need to catch some air. He glanced through one of the windows.

“I need to go outside.”

At that his mother's attention shifted back to him. “Oh.” She then turned her gaze to the clock in the living room. “It's quiet late, are you sure?”

“Yes, quiet sure. Excuse me.”

With a brisk walk he headed to the front door and quickly shut it behind him.

And then he rushed away from Moominhouse, stomach empty and head full.

* * *

  
  


He had no destination in mind, his feet being faster than his mind, barely registering where he was going, too busy trying to sort his thoughts.

He didn't want to lie to himself, but his return so far had been an absolute catastrophe.

Not only that but it left him feeling out of place and unwanted, which were two terms he would have never _ever_ used to describe his feeling regarding Moominvalley. But here he was, deeply hurt and alone.

_Get yourself together. What are you, five? You're an adult now. Time has passed, people have changed. What did you expect?_

But it'd been to much to just overlook it. One strange occurrence after the other.

First Sniff's rudeness and unwillingness to talk to him.

Then Moominpappa's clear disinterest in his return itself and his narrative of his journey.

Toffle's outburst towards him, even stating they'd been disappointed in him.

His mother's unusual cold and quiet demeanour.

Little My's disappearance with no further explanation.

And the utter fact that his room had become someone's else leaving him with the guest room.

His pace slowed down.

_A guest_...

Was that what he was now?

With a deep sigh he tried to free himself from the overwhelming impression he collected over the day. He came to a halt, sat down and let his eyes rest for a bit.

When he opened them again he took notice of a few fireflies spinning around him in small circles. Despite his foul mood he caught himself smiling at the lovely display. Once again the nature of Moominvalley proved to him that it was as beautiful as he left it. At least one steady matter like he remembered.

As he absentmindedly continued to watch their glowing dance he leisurely began to perceive his surroundings more and more, suddenly realizing where _exactly_ his feet had taken him in his subconsciousness.

He sat a few feet away from _their_ bridge, on the opposite side of Moominhouse. Under his feet he felt soft grass blades, illuminated by the moon light and the firefly dance, shining in a juicy green despite the obvious night time.

Many different summer flowers like yellow coneflower, carnations, goldenrod, hydrangea and phlox had found a home there, growing undisturbed on the green lawn. His eyes shifted to their full glory and abundance spread over the entire bank. As beautiful as they were, Moomintroll had to realize with sadness what that circumstance _also_ meant.

Because such green grass gave Moomintroll little to no hope that a specific tent had been set up here recently. Moreover, the entire place looked _completely_ uninhabited. Like it hadn't been used for _months_.

In his disbelieve he took a glance at the area where _it_ normally would stand. With a slow motion he ran his paw over the soft grass blades there. As if to make sure he wasn't mistaken and his mind wasn't playing tricks on him.

And although he felt the heavy, thick knot in his throat and a tickle in his eyes he found himself chuckling.

“Of course you're not here.” He said into the quiet summer air.

He picked a red carnation and twirled it in his paws. Then, with a heavy sigh, he put his head in his hands, crushing the flower in the process.  
  
 _Oh, who am I kidding?_

All this talking about how mature he'd become. Proclaiming he knew how to take care of himself and being able to deal with problems on his own, like a true adult. It was nonsense talk.

Here he was, three years later, still seeking comfort and validation from the one person he'd always wanted it from. Although, and that was the depressing part, deep inside he _knew_ he would most likely never get it. At least not from _him_.

He took his snout out of his paws and stared at the crushed carnation.

“You know what? It's my own fault. To expect that _you_ would do the waiting one day. After all, that has always been my part. 'Good old Moomintroll.'“

A light breeze ran through the grass and his fur, a few petals of the carnation coming loose and flying away.

He bit his lip. “But I guess couldn't help it.”

It was stupid to deny that to himself. He'd been _longing_ the see his best friend again, thinking about it _so much_ on his travel, more than he'd ever like to admit.

But looking on his deserted, non-existent campsite didn't just fill him with sorrow. The mere thought of his best friend being completely unfazed by his absence, not even bothering to come back to Moominvalley, continuing his wandering with no care in the world, sparked a fire of anger inside of Moomintroll.

“And it's unfair too!” He spat suddenly into the nothingness. “As you have always been welcomed back! By me, by my family and even every other resident of Moominvalley! Why is it that it can't be the same with me? Why is it that you can't do this for me, just this _once_? Do you really not care at all?”

He looked angrily at the specific patch of grass, waiting for an answer.

As the silence continued Moomintroll sighed again.

_What are you doing, you dumb troll? Expecting an answer?_

He stood up on sturdy legs, the irritation giving him a uncommon steadiness he wasn't used to. He walked a few steps to the bridge, but then stop again to look over his shoulder.

“I guess a part of me was still too naive to realize that nothing can keep you. 'Nature', like you'd call it. That's just the selfish creature you are.”

With that he stomped away, heading to Moominhouse. He knew, that his anger hadn't only been caused by his best friends absence. It'd been just the culmination of everything that'd happened so far today. And although he felt a little embarrassed by the fact that he _might_ have overreacted and, moreover, talked to and shouted at an empty grass patch, the feeling he was having now was oddly satisfying and freeing.

With a brisk walk he reached Moominhouse and in his now cleared head he'd had come to a conclusion.

It was time now to _really_ act like an adult, he figured. No more childlike expectations on his loved ones. He was going to accept the new circumstances, sleep in the offered guest room and apologize to his parents and Toffle in the morning for being so insensible and childish. And then he would continue his journey. Where to he didn't know yet. But he knew all the same it was the right thing to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyho. :)  
> So, it's been a while... A lot came up the last few weeks. And this chapter literally took ages, so sorry.
> 
> Sometimes I wish that my inability to write English would just perish. Then I wouldn't find myself struggling so much. Ah well, it's like my English teacher always proclaimed: there's no glory in practice, but without practice there's no glory.
> 
> The next chapter is already in the making, so it won't take as long as this one, promise. :)


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